Female and the Fuckbuddy; a modern day fairytale...

Just got out of a relationship, too busy to date, not yet met someone who’s worth your while? Whatever one’s reason, the conclusion is as follows: until you find yourself a similar superb soul whose character completes you, and who is equally as eager for you to occupy their vacant half, you’re a single person by default.

Although the lifestyle and state of mind of being single has plenty of advantages, there’s one noticeable deficiency which is impossible to ignore. If you have a persistent itch, it needs some thorough scratching and it always seems to feel so much nicer when someone else does this for you.

One-night stands aren’t exactly the answer because let’s face it: you never know what you’re gonna get. That friendly guy you’ve been chatting to for the last blurry hour could turn out to be an evil psychopath… who knows where you’re going to end up, and in how many pieces? Or what if after a few “test the water” dates he can’t help but fall hard for your charismatic character and wonderful whit, and all this after you made the mistake of bringing him to your place? Now he knows where you live! He could turn into the world’s most desperate stalker, and you get to try and wriggle your way out of that one… not really worth it, was it.

Another hit and miss that frequents the one-night stand table of terrors is to meet someone charming, lovely and funny followed by the disappointment of finding out why this person never ends up being anything more than that: a one night-never again-stand. Shallow as this may seem, when set out for some significant scratching you’re not exactly in the mindset to guide someone through the “how to use and what to do with it” manual.

And no matter how nice someone may be, it is a huge turn off. Especially once the excuse of young and inexperienced no longer applies. Any self respecting twenty five-year old (at the very, very latest), is expected to have a certain level of expertise in what he/she is doing, and if this is not the case, that’s just inexcusable. If you were too shy to bloom in the bedroom up until now, please resort to the Internet and educate yourself, don’t set out expecting someone else to do it for you… It brings a whole new meaning to the expression “sex crime” and should be punishable.

Last but not least is the plethora of possible diseases hanging over your head, which can be caught from promiscuity even among the precautious, especially so when your Friday night friend has been a slapper that has done some significant sleeping around in the past.

The safest solution and possible answer to all issues described above is to go steady with a fuck buddy. A special friend, a buddy with benefits, a pal with a purpose. A person that you know and get on with, yet not to the extent that you wish to establish or maintain a relationship with them. The great advantage of this situation is that satisfaction is guaranteed; you already know you like what you’ve got (otherwise one of you would have archived the other in the “never again” library of lovers, probably somewhere in the horror section way out the back). There are no strings attached, and you both know where you stand. It sounds almost too good to be true. And perhaps it is…

One inevitable problem is that the green eyed monster always seems to raise its interfering little head at some stage in the piece. Despite the fact that neither party is in love with the other, somewhere in this relationship the unspoken expectation is established that the “agreement” is exclusive, it usually being the female having upped the stakes this way.

Monogamous fuck buddies…. Of course from here things can’t go any other way but pear shaped. Generally speaking in fuckbuddiage the male has no scruples when it comes to openly seducing someone else… sometimes even blatantly in the presence of his long term female friend with benefits – and he can’t understand what the problem is. “She knew what the story was all along; I thought we had an agreement?” This in theory is exactly how it should be. However, whereas the male seems more comfortable with fuckbuddiage and is acting exactly according to its etiquette, it appears the female participant often seems to develop contradictory feelings as this “relationship” continues.

Why is that? Perhaps we females are just not laid out to have shallow sexual relationships based on physical attraction alone. Even though from the beginning it’s highly obvious this guy is absolutely not the one, it’s almost as if over a period of time your perception of Mr Buddy gets warped. Suddenly you catch yourself thinking about this person while before you never used to. You find yourself keeping your personal grooming up to tip top standard “just in case” whereas at first you couldn’t care less if the state of your Brazilian currently resembled the Amazon jungle. It was only Buddy anyway.

Worst case scenario: you’re secretly living in hope that one day he'll wake up and realise you are the one true love of his life! You are not only fooling yourself, it also restricts you from opening up and allowing someone new into your life that could be far more worth your while. Instead you are staring yourself blind at the wrong person.

Of course this is not the standard for everyone; there are plenty of women who could happily carry on for as long as it lasts without getting emotionally involved. One way that seems to make this work is to make sure the Buddy of choice is an outsider to your social environment. You only meet up when you want to, and are totally oblivious to what he/she does outside those get togethers and who with. Therefore nobody gets jealous, and nobody gets hurt.

Personally, I think a fuck buddy relationship is the answer for a limited period only, and after your trial period has run out it’s either time to move in or move on.